If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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