Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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