I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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