:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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