wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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