dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
