my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
