I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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