She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
