its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
