I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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