Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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