i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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