so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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