Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
