just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She's just so happy...and so naked.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
