dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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