cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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