seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
