Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
