well I can't set my house on fire every night
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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