Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
