Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
