It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
