its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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