Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
