dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
