You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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