he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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