i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
