So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
