Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
