I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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