If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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