i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
