His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
