I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
