it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
