she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
