ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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