You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
