sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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