Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
