Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
