i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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