i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
