I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
