i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
