So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
