so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
