Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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