Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
