Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
