just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
