Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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