Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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