Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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