The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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