Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Di me a solid and hit me with your car.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.

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(714): View more from California

Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful

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(419): View more from Ohio

i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me

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(281): View more from Texas

Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.

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(210): View more from Texas

Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!

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(586): View more from Michigan

The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."

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(301): View more from Maryland

He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...

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