The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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