she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
