Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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