Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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