What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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