I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
