i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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