Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
