I like to think it a success when the cops are called
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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