You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
