i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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