good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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